What Am I?

The point of the Christian life is not to do. It is to be. And so I must ask - not, "What do I do?" but, "What am I?" To find out necessitates a mental separation from doing. I am tired of doing. When I am an idolater and find my joy in my performance, I am so miserable, for my sin-stricken flesh can never meet my expectations. I threaten my identity every time I let myself down. What sin! What I do must cease to define, in my mind, who I am.

What am I? Forever a fraud? If my performance defines my identity, then I have no identity, and I must then appear to others as something that I am not. Will I forever be a sham, knowing that I am not a spiritual person, cringing when people say I am, yet strangely afraid of having people think of me as I really am? Both options are unbearable.

What am I? My desire to do things for God will never be realized as God intends and plans for it to be, as long as my identity is tied to my performance. My service will be of a sickly, anemic, half-guilty, ever-longing nature, because I will never serve God as I think I ought. 

       

What am I? Forever a guilt-haunted, never-resting, performance-driven Christian, unable to get over how I produce (in a picture) a few shriveled raisins, instead of the massive bunches of grapes of the Promised Land?

Photo by Steve Ekblad SXC

What am I? A branch, and rejoicing to be so. If I am a branch, I have no roots in and of myself, and no resources to produce any fruit whatsoever. (Turns out that I was imagining the raisins.) If I were to be cut off from the Vine, I would die at once. Those Promised Land grapes are produced only through the Vine – the One in Whom we live. In Him there is rest from my flesh. In Him is full identity. In Him is freedom from bondage to the opinions of others, for in Him I can be genuine, unafraid to appear as I really am – clothed in Christ. In Him is joy, power, and fruitful service. In Him is freedom from the fear of failure, for Christ can never fail. May the Vinedresser graft me more closely into the Vine, so that His abundant life can flow though me.

   

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. …These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:4-5,11). 

God at Work in Colombia

God is at work in rural Colombia! Check out this video for some details:

2011...in brief

...Having lost touch with many of you for some time now, I thought this might be a good time to write an update. I need to offer a general apology to all of you who have attempted in vain to contact me over the past year (or four!). If you’re imagining that you’re the only person who’s been feeling ignored by me, know that you have company!The past year has been very busy and included many life changes for me. Amid the realization that everything and everyone eventually changes, it’s been a blessing to remember the One who “is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

Emmaus graduation, May 2011

One of the biggest highlights of 2011 was graduating from Emmaus Bible College with a degree in Intercultural Studies and Biblical Studies. Since completing my studies there, I have been living in Colorado with my family and doing custodial/maintenance work at an outdoor education center in the mountains. Over the summer our big project was thinning forty acres of forest.

Firewood at the Balarat Outdoor Education Center, July 2011

In September the missionary I did my internship with in Colombia, Russell Stendal, came to Colorado, and I was able to visit with him for a few hours.



With Russell Stendal in Colorado, September 2011

Late September/early October included a trip to Arizona for a workshop with Simply the Story (www.simplythestory.org/oralbiblestories/), and then to Wisconsin for a visit with my friend Amy, who had temporarily returned from India.

With Amy in Wisconsin, October 2011

In addition to work, I’m currently taking an EMT course through the local community college. It’s a real challenge for my poor old brain, and your prayers would be greatly appreciated!

Although I don’t have a set date for returning to Colombia, God has definitely opened a few doors in the process of getting ready to go back on a more long-term basis. Over the past year the Lord has directed me to work with a ministry called “Spirit of Martyrdom,” which is associated with Voice of the Martyrs.

Also, and perhaps most importantly, the Lord has been preparing me for Colombia by teaching me more of what it means to be like His Son and walk in His Spirit. Over the past year I have come to know in a deeper way “that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh,” and the truth of what Christ said in John 15:4-5: “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” There are two great truths which we need to truly understand and comprehend – first, how disgustingly sinful we really are, how utterly incapable of true righteousness, and second, how sufficient Christ is to change us into His image and how desirous He is to do so through His Spirit. May you and I become more like Him in 2012!